The Inner Search for it All

Happiness. Joy. Inner peace. Self love. Purpose. Confidence.

These are ideals that, I think, we all ultimately want. I know I do. And I
have been on a journey over the last several months to find it. I
thought I was happy. I thought I had joy in my life and then life
happened in such a way that shook me to my core and showed me that
much of what I was was surface and incompleteness. I want more than
that. So began my search.

My journey of self love and discovery has led me to many books, many
documentaries, many a tear-stained-pillow night or afternoon or morning.
Countless YouTube videos of Abraham Hicks, Brad Yates, and guided
meditations. I am so grateful for my friend and mentor who has shown me
a whole new way of looking at the world and how I perceive it.

I’ve become much more aware of the words I speak, the thoughts I think,
the energy I emit and that is emitted around me. With this new awareness,
I pick up more on the positive energy of those around me, which led me to
write this series on happiness. Not just on finding happiness, but on
already having it. I want to talk with those people who seem to emit an
energy of ease from within themselves, whose joy seems to come from deep
within. I want to talk to those people who have what it is that I feel I’m lacking.

The first person in this series is the inspiration for it. She is the amazing
Jasmine Holloway and she is a former co-worker of mine. One day while
working with her I just wanted to ask her what it was that makes her tick. She
has a beautiful aura of joy and of confidence. She was kind enough to speak
with me for a few minutes and it was an incredible conversation.
Goosebumps, even.

SKM: To what do you attribute your happiness?

JH:  A lot of little things. Tiny gratitude. I’ve also learned over the years to
check myself. There’s a lot of self awareness. Am I taking responsibility
for the actions that are happening right now? I’m a big believer in whatever
comes into your space is not by accident. Somehow you create that. Your
being creates whatever is happening to you. So when certain things happen
I ask myself, ‘Who am I being right now in order for that to happen?’ It
literally happens millions of times a day. It really is work through the day in
order for me to just clean up whatever is going on and continue moving. I
don’t believe in putting out bad vibes just because something is going on in
here. That’s not anyone else’s business. They’re not responsible for that.
If i’m upset I’ll take ownership of that.

SKM: I’ve had to seek all this out for myself. Was this something that was
taught to you at any point?

JH: The gratitude I’ve learned through conversations and just stumbled
upon.

My responsibility checkpoint I learned during a personal development
program called “Advance Education” (http://www.advancedednyc.com/).
A lot of my personal tools that I have in my bag to create the results that
I want in my life came from that course. You get to know yourself, there
is a floodgate of awareness- one part of the course allows you to discover
who you are, why you do what you do. Then in the next part, you get to
break down this box that you put yourself in, that was created throughout
the years and that helps you get to the core of who you are. In the final part,
you finally have all these tools, you know who you are -now that you know
this- how do you create the world that you want to live in? In order for you
to be transformed completely, you get to transform everyone around you-
so what are you about? You’re not just a person existing in this space,
you're a living being in this great big society, so let’s get responsible for
that. What will YOU get to create so when you eventually leave this place,
it’s in abetter shape than how you found it? It was a very powerful course.

SKM: Is there a difference between happiness and joy?

JH: Happiness is so fleeting. I’d rather say, ‘joy,’ that’s so much stronger.

SKM: Do you find a correlation between knowing yourself and the happiness
you feel?

JH: I’m still figuring out who I am. I’m still on the journey and I take
pride in the journey. We will never find truly who we are. We are constantly
changing. Be the person that you’re trying to seek out to be and joy will
get created through that.

SKM: Do you know your life’s purpose?

JH: I’m starting to realize it more and more each day, which brings
me so much joy. I’m realizing how powerful I am and to use that power
and love and patience and tenderness to work with youth through music
in order for them to get who they are and to support them in discovering
their own voices. As adults, we had a lot of time to deal with the heavy
blows life gives us. They’re just now starting to feel the heavy blows. I’m
starting to get that I can support youth in their journey. So far that’s what I
have discovered.

JH: I enjoy singing and music and poetry, but that’s secondary. What really
turns the corners of my mouth up to smile is visualizing their growth.
Helping them find confidence in themselves. They become kinder and
more compassionate people. Being able to start to create a world that is
more patient and more kind and more loving. It starts with them.

JH: When you do discover your purpose, whenever that is, and you
speak it out loud, it’s so powerful it will give you goosebumps- that’s
how you know you found it. Whenever you have that idea in your mind
speak it out loud and speak from the heart and if it gives you chills,
go, just go!

And, indeed, I could feel the chills from hearing her speak her
life’s purpose. This is part of my journey as well- who do I want to be
and what do I want to do? I believe we’re all here for a purpose and once
we find it and can speak it out loud, a piece of that happiness puzzle
snaps into place.

Although, I think Jasmine is right, we will never finish this puzzle
called life, and that’s okay. Once we can see the beauty of the picture
complete with its incompleteness, that’s where true happiness
starts to emerge.